


Cut Off 'Cause I Can't Remember

by IceBlueRose



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 21:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12262212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceBlueRose/pseuds/IceBlueRose
Summary: The morning after Shelley's party, Veronica wakes up to find Logan next to her.





	Cut Off 'Cause I Can't Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics in story are from the song "Therapy" by Finger Eleven. The lyrics that appear in the story are not in the order they come in from the song, I just chose what I thought fit each section.
> 
> Italics are lyrics and flashbacks.

 

_Wide awake in the beginning_  
_Trembling after the fall_  
 _Only half my world remembers_  
 _While the other half revolves_

  
  
Logan groaned, keeping his eyes closed. He raised a hand and ran it down his face. He wasn’t sure what the hell had happened but he was sure that once he opened his eyes he’d know. He took a deep breath, ignoring the warmth at his side as he thought back to what he remembered from the night before.  
  
_“Hey, what are you doing?” Dick asked as Logan walked up and swiped the cup from his hand with a smirk._  
  
_“I’m pretty sure this is called taking your drink,” he replied. He didn’t give a second’s thought as he drained it._  
  
_The pain of losing Lilly was still fresh, raw, cutting. Logan knew from experience that he may not be able to get rid of it completely but he could come close by drowning the pain in alcohol. He’d been working on that since before the party and he’d continue to do so now._  
  
_He’d forget it all, even if it was just for a little while._  
  
Logan fought back another groan. He’d forgotten—that much was clear. And he didn’t remember the last time he’d drank so much he couldn’t immediately remember what he’d done. He was also pretty sure he had a bit of a hangover.  
  
Opening his eyes, he was surprised to see that the light wasn’t all that bad. There was a moment’s hesitation where he debated on whether or not he should look at the person next to him and then he swung his legs over the edge and turned his back to them, trying to think of what may have happened.  
  
But all he knew for sure was he had the beginnings of a headache, he felt relaxed in a way that told him he’d definitely gotten some, and he couldn’t remember a damn thing.  
  
Sighing, he stood and moved to the glass doors, pressing his forehead against the cool surface. It was soothing in a way and he closed his eyes, taking a couple deep breaths. He stayed that way for a few more moments before he opened his eyes. He stepped back and glanced at the floor, his eyes moving around until they landed on his boxers and he grabbed them, pulling them on. Only then did he finally turn and look at the bed.  
  
He immediately wished he hadn’t.  
  
Logan stared at Veronica for a few moments before he shook his head. There was no way. There was no way he’d slept with Veronica Mars last night. He couldn’t have been that drunk.  
  
Even as he shook his head in denial, she stirred, her eyes slowly opening as she sat up and looked around the room. The second her eyes landed on Logan, she froze, her eyes widening.  
  
Veronica glanced away, wincing at the way her head seemed to swim at the movement. She didn’t know what Logan was doing there, she didn’t even know if she was still at Shelley’s or not. She looked down, letting her eyes wander towards the wall and sucked in a breath as she saw her underwear on the ground and she shifted, wincing again because she was sore in places she’d never been sore before.  
  
She turned back to Logan as he angrily grabbed his pants and yanked them on. He glared over at her.  
  
“So, what was this? You thought you could be one of us again if you slept with one of us?” Logan demanded. Veronica’s eyes widened.  
  
“What-“ she started. Logan cut her off.  
  
“Or were you just trying to replace Lilly?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he snatched his shirt off the foot of the bed and pulled it over his head.  
  
Veronica felt as if he’d punched her in the stomach. She didn’t know why Logan would think that, she didn’t know how he could think that.  
  
But then, she’d never thought that Logan would ever treat her as if she were nothing more than dirt either.  
  
It took a few more moments before she was able to actually speak. “How can you say that?” Her voice was practically a whisper as she asked the question, hoping briefly that he’d be able to see that she just didn’t know. A bitter laugh was her answer.  
  
“How? You want to know how I can say that? Funny, Veronica, I want to know how you can walk around acting as if Lilly were your friend even as you agree with the way your dad tried to destroy her family.” He shook his head. “Look at yourself. Coming to the party with your makeup done heavier than usual and heels. Trying to look older even as you wear a dress that screams virgin.” He shook his head. “Though I guess that’s not the case anymore is it?”  
  
He ignored the way she paled at that, letting his anger at her, at himself for letting this happen take over. He didn’t pause to think, he just let out all the anger he’d been holding in since they’d put Lilly in the ground.  
  
“I wasn’t trying to…to…” Veronica’s voice trailed off as if she didn’t know how to finish the sentence and he shook his head again as he stalked to where his socks and shoes lay next to his button up shirt.  
  
“To prove the rumors true? Bit late for that, don’t you think?” he snapped as he shrugged into his second shirt and sat on the foot of the bed to pull his socks on and shove his feet into his shoes. He turned to look at Veronica, who was staring at him as if she didn’t know who he was.  
  
Fine by him. He didn’t know her either.  
  
“Logan, what-why are you-“ She stopped because she wasn’t sure what she wanted to ask. She wanted to know what had happened. Last night, in the past few weeks. She wanted to know why he had started acting like this, why he couldn’t see that she had just been doing what she thought was right by standing by her father.  
  
Neither of them said anything for a moment as Logan stood up. He didn’t look at her as he headed for the door before he stopped when she said his name.  
  
“Are you going to tell anyone?” She bit her lip as she asked and she wondered just how she’d be able to explain that to her father.  
  
He turned to sneer at her. “As if I’d ever admit to lowering myself so much that I ended up in bed with you, Veronica.” He didn’t say anything else as he turned and walked out of the room, leaving Veronica staring after him, a single tear going down her face.  


 

_But hearts could never leave me bleeding_  
_Becoming the cause and burden_  
 _The lesson begins unlearning_  
 _And it has never been forgiving my dear_

  
  
Veronica stared at herself in the mirror, happy for once that her dad wasn’t in town. She didn’t know how she’d have explained the writing on her car windows or why she was only coming home now.  
  
Her face was streaked with mascara from crying, her dress was torn, her body sticky and sore.  
  
She’d always thought that when she lost her virginity, it’d be to Duncan. And if they weren’t married, they’d at least have been together for years so it’d be okay because they’d probably end up married.  
  
Instead, she’d gotten Logan and a guest room in someone else’s house and a night she couldn’t remember.  
  
It didn’t matter that Logan had once been one of her closest friends. It didn’t matter that she knew who she’d been with because she couldn’t _remember_ any of it. She still felt dirty, violated.  
  
Her breath began to come faster as she tried to remember the night before, remember anything. There was nothing. Crying out she grabbed the nearest thing and threw it, watching as it smashed against the wall. She swallowed and moved forward to see what she had thrown and stared down at a now broken picture of herself with Lilly, Duncan, and Logan.  
  
The irony of that was not lost on her and Veronica could feel laughter building up inside her until she couldn’t stop it. She didn’t fight it, just let the laughter come until it turned to sobs.  


 

_Can’t think of what to say_  
_I can’t think of what to do_  
 _I just think I might be losing my mind_  
 _Can’t stop this agony_

  
  
The water was scalding as it pounded down on Veronica and she tilted her head back further. She didn’t mind the pain but welcomed it. She hoped the burn would help melt away the hurt until it fell away from her and went down the drain.  
  
It had to because she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.  
  
She stood there, unmoving until an idea came to her and then suddenly she was grabbing the washcloth and scrubbing herself.  
  
She’d help the hurt go down the drain.  
  
She stayed that way for almost an hour and the now cold spray felt like needles on her raw skin until finally she turned the water off.  
  
The hurt from earlier, from these last few weeks, wasn’t gone entirely. She wasn’t sure if it ever would be. She just knew she had to try and _make_ it disappear.  
  
This was her driving thought as she stood and stared at herself in the mirror. The water dripped to the floor as she shivered, wiping the condensation from the mirror. She fought back the urge to cry anymore and began to dry herself off, pausing only when an idea came to her.  
  
She knew how to make it go away.  


 

_Apathy returns it’s offense_  
_But only after I get moving_  
 _Relax and begin the change_  
 _In time for the newest age_

  
  
Monday morning came and whispers of Veronica’s behavior at the party were a main topic, which wasn’t anything unusual. It seemed to be nothing more than the typical Monday morning at Neptune High.  
  
Until Veronica walked through the doors, chin held high, hair cut above her shoulders, all signs of the open and friendly girl gone, hidden behind a mask of indifference.  
  
In that moment, it was clear that things were about to change.  


 

_Cancel my therapy cause_  
_I just thought of you_  
 _and now I feel fine_

**Author's Note:**

> Story originally posted: January 30, 2006
> 
> \- I'm moving all my VM fic from LiveJournal to here and since I've decided not to rewrite or edit any of them, I'll be including when the fic was originally posted.


End file.
